Okay .. so I know nobody checks this .. so this is where I'll vent =D LA is really fun .. I enjoy college a lot. And I think I'm doing okay. I'm president of my floor in Hedrick Hall and I'm friendly with most of the people on the floor. One girl, Kristtina, I became especially close to. She was pretty much all I could ask for in a friend. She always seemed to understand me and she always seemed to be able to look beneath most of what I say and not get offended. I'm a sarcastic person usually, and I'm not ashamed to say so. I don't play nice. I say what I think and I don't try to cover it up. A lot of times, I say it sarcastically. That doesn't make me mean, in my opinion. I try to be as nice as possible to everyone. If someone needs help, I'll always offer and I'll work as hard as I can to make things fun and enjoyable for most people. But I don't try to hide that I'm a bitch a lot of the time, too. I don't think I'm that bad of a person. I'm happy with who I am. I was really happy that I found such a good friend so quickly. Since pretty much the start of the quarter, I kicked it with her and we had a lot of fun. We played a lot, and didn't focus on our work as much as we should have. But at the same time, we didn't completely ignore everything, either. We DID work. I thought that we were pretty close and I was really amazed that someone could get to know me so well. We got so close that we started reacting in the same ways, going through the same motions unconsciously, etc. I was really surprised, because a lot of times, people get offended by the way I speak. Well, not so much offended as put off. I don't get close to people that easily. I usually spent everyday with her. We were never too far apart from each other, and people started to associate us as a pair. We decided that we might try to get an apartment together next year. I figured I could live with her peacefully enough. She wasn't perfect, and a few of her traits got on my nerves. I just figured that not everyone can be exactly as I want them to be, and I'd have to take their imperfections with them. And I did. If she annoyed me, I'd ignore it and focus on things that we did well together. I'm not kidding when I say we did almost EVERYTHING together. Went almost everywhere together, etc etc. We got pretty used to each others' company. On my birthday, she lent me her camera because I didn't have one. It got slightly damaged and I offered to fix it for her. And I was working on it when all the shit hit the fan. She decides not to get an apartment, which I'm fine with, because I was having second thoughts, too. I've never been one of those people that want to move in with friends. I always figured that'd ruin a relationship. But I figured that I should still apply for on-campus housing just in case. And I told her that I would room with her. Cuz she was looking for a roommate. And she said she didn't want to keep me from getting the apartment I wanted. And so I shrugged and said alright, its not like I really wanted to live with her anyways. I told her that. And I was telling the truth. I didn't wanna be mean or anything, I just honestly thought that friends shouldn't room with each other because problems arise that ruin friendships. I didn't think she'd take it that badly. That day, though, all day, she'd been mad at me for reasons I didn't understand. I could tell. It was slowly pissing me off, but I thought it was probably finals or something that was stressing her out and she didn't want to be bothered. So I left her alone. She takes school very seriously and thats very admirable of her. She knows where shes going in life. She started to text me that she was mad. And I would ask her why, and eventually she told me that it was because of me. And I asked her why and she wouldn't tell me. So I shrugged and said wow, didn't know she could be like that. But whatever, right? Why should I dwell on something that I couldn't figure out when she wanted to just be a bitch and leave me hanging like that? I went on with my life. I started to date Jacob. Hes my roommate's friend, and very sweet. I went out with him every night. Or he came over. She started to avoid me. If she saw me, she'd go the other way. And slowly .. in the three days that all this was going on ... people started to avoid my eyes. It wasn't the accidental kind .. but the kind of avoidance that tells you they know something about you and they didn't really want to know. Or they see you differently now. That really hurt. One night, a few days before I left for home for winter break, she texted me and told me she wanted to talk to me. So I said alright, come over then. My roommates, by this time, had figured something was wrong. She came over, I was folding laundry, and she said you're busy. Bye. And she ran away. So I shrugged again and said whatever. One of my roommates, Marisol, was getting tired of how we were acting, I guess, and decided that we would talk. So she dragged Kristtina back and made her talk. And she told me that I was mean. That I said hurtful things and that I don't consider her feelings. That I look down on her and that I made unwarranted comments. She brought up my sarcasm and my comments on how I didn't want to live with her. I just sat there and let her talk. Once she started talking .. I was so mad I couldn't have said a word without losing control. And after she had finished, I asked her what she expected to come out of this. Did she want me to apologize, did she want me to change? I told her that I wouldn't do either, so she was just wasting time. And by this time, my roommates were frantic. They were trying to find ways to make things better. So they came up with suggestions as to what we could do. Steph told us that we should just stop spending so much time together, and told me that I should just tone down the way I am around Kristtina. Marisol suggested the same. And I sat there...and slowly froze up inside again. I sat there and I realized that people really DON'T get me. The people I thought that I could be close with and the people that I could be myself around .. and it really hurts. I didn't say anything except that I wouldn't apologize and I wouldn't change for being who I am. And still now, it bothers me. I just wish .. someone could get past whatever it is I am and understand that I just try to be me. If I don't expect you to change, why do I have to? Why is it that you all can sit there and tell me that I need to change, and yet you all stay exactly as you are? How is that fair? | 
